i declare war

we’re measuring time well spent in comparison with being alive, with variables, like success, love, happiness, events. sequences altered by perishable goods. reading love lives with expiration dates on the sides. barcode intimacy, how much more time do we devise an agreement to the affection we choose to provide?
violin makeshift cupid arrow enshrined. shoot me with a dart infused with your pride. if i had to count the times i’ve looked in the mirror with eyes, eyebrow furrow, hands to the side of my temple…. i’d be here for several millennia, beauty refinement.
wrestling this tempestuous lifestyle. hello?
we’re holding our hearts hostage in safe-boxes with landmines surrounding the bank.
hello? synopsis revealed. banking on silence to show how i feel.
balasana. pose like a child with me, soaking intermediaries every way that concealed. hello? asking rhetorical questions.. head over heels. in over my dome. headstrong hero with a halo on his head.
little boy asks me, sir how did you get that halo?  i was shot with a bullet. i died many years ago, but you see, i’m still alive, i was brought back by the mercy of her heart. that why i drink every last drop of her every time we embark. on a journey, adventure. heart on a gurney on the way to forever. do you remember the time? when we fell in ..uncertainty. like a hollow bridge. monotonous. pearly gate verbiage montage. flagellate the worst of me with surly deception. we want to be hurt. to learn how it feels to not be loved. tango footstep correction rehearsal. put your hand over mine right when i turn you. into oblivion…fools gold feels so common, this feels so fucking different

sigh

hit me with absurd questions that divulge your interior, let me in your pavilion.  Trojan horse the overlord who gate keeps your inner desire. let me lick every-bit of you so you could set apart the distinction between this and failed lovers. wail into my ears, moan infinity when you i reach into space. fingertip climactic, instructional touch. pillow speak, intimate, bickering flux. jaw clench, muscle fatigue. rubbing scent off into me. off into sheets. skin feels like a innuendo. you scream. insinuate what i want to do to you. black eyeball lunar eclipse, d minor diluvian beach. obsidian sun has declared war on your every crevasse. get on your horses to escape the perversion inching across, like a lion in stalk. hold me to a higher standard. feel the fire attached to light the canvass. let me become your favorite anomaly. like a hired gun creeping along the kings walls. coup d’etat. murderous passion. feel the blood pump, reading morse into your skin. amorphous. metaphorical sin. never feel alone again. make you jump ship and cross over to this. now we cant go back to before.

the war has commenced

soul, baby. soul (i wrote this almost prophetically, before a falling out that I wanted to prevent from happening)

it’s almost complete. distance between falling apart
from whispering secrets, sequence you act non chalant
like, a purist in person. told you to stop kissing my heart
questioned why, choking back tears. au revoir
so insincere. brassiere draped over post traumatical scar
and it’s worthless. holding hands under jupiter mars
deafening stare. kaleidoscopic. where we grew afar
or begun growing. to knowing it was doomed to begin with
congruent in interests. confusing indifference
with sultry disclosure. whispering secrets. a bottle of stol’
acting as if you didn’t already know
marlboro rogue. leads in my chest. heart in my throat
it’s okay because, a month is barely a whisper
speaking sweet nothings with nobody to listen
I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
evolving into something without your permission
where’s the accomplice? bonnie with a gun to their clyde
are we only partners in crime when the love has subsided?
you threw me a bone. how oddly shakespearean
homeopathic dosage delirious
slowly becoming romeo through the experience
juliet, my rose, you told me not to pick flowers for you
to let them grow and die without interference from you
i slowly understood what you meant what you said
when you blinked once and said nothing in bed
trojan horse valentines gift. hold it close to your breast
let me invade you. while we both hope for the best
how to enjoy a private dinner, without making a noise
paris to my helen- keep kidnapping my voice
cross an ocean, fight the army waiting at troy
calloused rejoice. carry the spoils from my battle deployment
wearing a cast on the places you touched out of choice
colliding connection, copasetic, catharsis, caress.
coalescing conversations under our breaths
touching soil under toes. label it normal behavior
letting out guttural moans, sultry, fluttering. flavor
it’s okay. i get it. it’s just sand in the wind
to drinking from chalices any chance that we get
to get lost in inebriation, just to forget
how we treat each other when we kiss with our …..
my mother once said, my child you love without any condition
a gift i admire in you. it worried her sick
to be at arms with a lovelust, gun to your neck
shot glass throwback. wipe off the taste from my lip
barely consent to this insatiable tryst
listening to playlists, and the rain hit our heads
save me a seat. musical chair gallantry version
you were the last one standing when i asked myself who is your perfect
and who can touch you in ways you haven’t learned
also who is the single most dangerous person
and who gives you this doable courage
and to that, who is the only one that can hurt it

i’m sorry

so little, little (a look into repetitive behavior, derailing depression, predestination syndrome, losing faith)

why am i here again

why does it matter?

handle with care. these items are fragile
wear a mask and lie to your closest, Keyser Söze display
let’s erode together, hold my rusty hand in the rain
tin man toppling, iron giant in grave
hear the fucking rain pound it’s way on my armor
using my metal like drum sets you pawn at a shop
discontinued discounted item left on the shelves
try-me! buttons as the battery fades
buzz light year rotary wind up doll, lullaby weak
sober man thinks drunken thoughts, just as he speaks
choking on my own blood, cause apathy, me
galloping scene, horseback, valiancy
it may not matter to you, but it matters to me
the dialogue of my backdrop. you can’t hear when i scream
driving on the interstate, windows open at three.
in the morning. just a blip in the radar
you’re still asleep while I’m on the brink of displacement
gargoyle stiff statue, while i get lost in a gaze
i’ve been holding on for too long and i know that it’s vague
using words like brink, sink and edge, they’re one in the same
tired of feeling tears fall off of my face
redirect the traffic, tired of no reciprocation when i reload the page
or reload the gauge, or reload the matrix
it happens when pain exceeds the resources for coping with pain
hold still in the mirror, whisper I’m sorry in latin
i only know how to say it, cause i knew this would happen
from day one to day two. behavior erratic
dilapidated homecoming. hello? is anyone there to collapse in
they don’t care. shot of stoli and absinthe
stare at the hole deep in the attic, hold me when i’m chugging
rosary pundit. they say depression causes lapses in judgment
the smoke from the cannon can be an allusion to sadness
pretending i love myself was just one of the many
contemporary somethings, below my bellowing setting
saying hello, while I’m clinching on at the edge
where the sidewalk ends? let me make some amends
before i fall off, derail off normal trajectory
disorderly conduct off disorders. where is she?
the one that i prayed for? you said you’d deliver
so many questions, so little… little
so little

little

cloak and dagger

you’re
not what i dreamed of
or hoped for, that potential was reached
long before, i harbored emotions in secret
sophomoric sequence, plot twist i saw all along
held my breath for a year, lungs turn carbon to smog
another movie screening, hold hands in between it
reach maximum zenith, whisper “never leave me” under closed palms
so calm. never flinch. a wink and a nod
no blinking for three hours. let that sink in for awhile
lovers island. skipper of ol’ overly passionate
fingers stranded in your hair strands, bend over and ask me
a question, do i love you or not
fingertips touching your every hope. every cross
of fingers, wishing we would drift apart
I’m driftwood and you’re just another fish in the ocean
lake, spring, river whatever’s
spend an eternity painting a picture to think us together
calabaza picking. if i revisit you i get a feeling to itch
uneasy. breeze hits me, the wind changes, while each season commences
we get lazy. it’s insane. we never connect but still swing for the fences
up to my neck in words that don’t even exist
flood in my pharynx, like phalanxes fighting to fix
squad of anxieties i refuse to acknowledge
perusing the side of me i loosely demolished
smokescreen dagger. condensation hazy opaque
wheatgrass chronicle, diary dripping sanctity. lake
bedstand. siamese twin bed, oak crickety floors
the hole in the wall where my fist lived in before
unroot me where i stand, dandelion seed floating amiss
eve foliage, sin growing vivaciously when

there’s ..
quantities of flowers germinating in spring
blooms of orchids in rancor,
tempertantrum fills in the hue
rhythm and blue soapbox
sorted chrysanthemums
most of its cloak and dagger

tattoo flowers

it’s
become more of a habit
interval time from interacting with humans
irony overlaps boredom and passion
kiss away sadness. verbally vie away the synapses
blood stained flesh from a rose
thorn on a flower.
cry self preservation to keep presence remote
listen in on private conversations.
fly on the wall
i, carry disdain like i tattooed pride on my arm
in light of today, might as well just be dark
people fill rooms with nice decoration
my empty spaces are filled in with looming
distractions. better me, than you. interaction
pencil me in for the 2 o clock in the noon
i’ll probably be late for that, too.
terrariums. rattlesnake vein photosynthetic approach
poached eggs for breakfast right on my porch
tap the cigarette on the wood, ash lay on my flowers
i wonder how the fuck they still
grow

but they do

maturing too fast

it’s up for existential debate. whether or nots
we’re here for a reason, or stranded here just to rot
leisurely lonesomes, sunrise kingdom unfolding
delicate flower, nuclei destined forever in forest
do or die sentiments. sediment ready to rise
blood pact suicide, toes in the sand in the tide
were only in focus when we start to succeed
congratulations/shaking hands to hands shaking in sleep
panic attack, borderline personality disorder
solace in silence.
everyday a soldier is dying
PTSD from maturing too fast. i’ve been told to collide
with my demons. flashback, detachment paranoia. decide
what do with yourself, paranormal dishevelment
clash encounter to delusion like an asteroid belt
entering earth, phenomena avoided like hell
poised to no end, with no end to foretell
such a pity. holy shit. shame we all have stories to tell
100 ears. nobody listens. pouring whiskey in wells
swirl it in the glass, little tornado cyclone,
perhaps we tell it with such hope, rehearsed, to speak it with ease
oh how we change for others -sleep with our demons for free
beelzebub pedigree. honeybee to a wasp
fur elise. Elysium waits with alyssum in her palm
this suggests to me, what i’ve known all along
kiss of death, pain is strength, literally everyy song
diet plan. exercise, what’s your secret to looking your best?
don’t eat for days, ha-ha. pause. i said it in jest
capricorn, libra, maelstrom pathogen, fetal position
battle ballistic, garrison mission. administer oil in my cannabis christen
cataclysmic mushroom smoke. cultured difference aside
there’s more to living, so to speak, than living to die
unambiguous chameleon, dressed in camo fatigue
in his pavilion, that the big wolf blows at til he can barely breathe
grow in a melting pot, petri dish human experiment
give him truancies, periods of time where truth is empirical
hold me a second. let’s grow apart, don’t second guess it
stare at me like a tornado looks at tulsa and edmond

then

a letter to whoever loves me next

To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if one day my words brings lightning to your lips, and the tingle of electric bursts makes your tongue turn numb. Your cheeks turn red, flushing flirtatiously. Feverish hue, and a bottomless stomach with drunk butterflies maneuvering to get out of, then out of nowhere there’s radio silence. White static for days, weeks, months, and soldiers keep saying roger, roger, roger and out but the frequency is dead. It’s dying. Im sorry if you feel the need to say you love me over and over. Because, my words aren’t reaching you and my love isn’t warming you. Your heart is in winter and the summer solstice is buried deep in my eyeballs. I keep crying because I want to get it out. I want so badly to warm you. I’m sorry, when you say it, that no reciprocation is met, no attention is given, and words lay on deaf ears. Ears, that feel the words go into them but a mouth that is getting no feedback from their vocal chords. A black hole that absorbs all sound. My only way to communicate is to kiss you as softly as I could. Cling onto my lips. I’m sorry if you don’t believe me, this is how I am and I’m trying to change. I feel your body language judging me and it’s tearing me apart. I will worry about losing you, and , i’ll scramble, through everything. I won’t be myself, because i’ve been taught through actions that whatever i do isn’t enough. And enough is in love letters and dates and remembering your mothers birthday and asking you if you’re happy, only to not be happy myself. It’s a self recurring nightmare that feeds on my anxiety. And my anxiety feeds on my heartache and my heartache feeds on my muscles that are too weak to stand up for myself. You’re too good to be true, and if history repeats itself then I think the truth will finish me. My history is a chemistry class, and my teacher tells

me not to play with fire. Understand, that my vulnerability is like trying to put a glass cover on a phone screen and the tiny dust that you can barely see are your words, and reaction to the very phone you’re trying to protect. Understand that my feelings have OCD and the dust are your words and the phone is a magnet to dirt and oil and you need to handle me until your neck hurts and your pores seep sweat. please. We’ll go deep before I admit that I’m new to this. Never done this before. That my soul weeps when you leave, and i don’t know how to sing it lullabies. I probably won’t be easy to love. Too many people never gave me examples. The examples i have are from a broken template; abandoned because of error. I’m sorry

black liquor

wish it would stop
watch the laundry spin and then sit on a box
circular sleep. daydream while i cry
kill me at dawn, sing silent night –
no. hum at my grave
dig me up. stop. then kiss my remains
skeletons out the closet. my bones here to stay
shapeshifting gravediggers. I’m barely awake
you talk me alive, i sleep when i yawn
told me to keep eyes closed three eternities long
so she goes again, another fish in the sea
another piece of driftwood breaking off into pieces
tailbaiting fresh water species. as he hums für elise
you don’t mean something to me. just need something to break
defensive in particular. relationship balled into shape
from wheatgrass, liquor, deafness and arguments sake
my wedding vows will start off in malaise
“afraid my depression will slowly degrade you”
in love and in sickness, in health, and inept
sugarcoat your love with your honey colored flesh
other worldly sex, martian soil beneath ourselves
who am i kidding. selfish star gazer lost in himself
probably would decline if you offered me help
i feel how an author thinks when he writes in italics.
how?
a quiet whisper while being slightly sarcastic
half winter, springtime, march solstice
mars rover, enzymes. black liquor
god sold us. paths shrinking. bed time
pillow talk, fact checking. more liquor
store drifting. 4.50. 6 oz flask dangled in sleeve
use disease to reprieve from society as a daily retreat
we’ve become emotionless whatever we do
staring at art, until they tell me to leave
come back the next day to stare on repeat
maybe it’s me. dissecting something that doesn’t exist
in matrix – a glitch. in reality, suboxone, coffee stained marital strips
we go back to a time. nostalgia is a hell of safety net
black liquor here at my side

this one hurt (when fire-breathers begins to realize that the reactions to his own pain is self destructive)

i am breathing fire
but, im not a dragon
an average person.
swallowed matches
ran across a sea of stars in moon boots.
army canvass
the catalyst sparks. deactivate the manned fuselage
tight-lipped gargantuan stares through his art,

for hours (or it seems)

want to be touched yet wince when you do
slight grimace, a sly indication, it’s a bit too obtuse
the allusion, any minute now it might finish
what do you mean when you insinuate that now’s not the time?
postponed rain-checks. outside in rain boots thousand of times
acid wash downpour. denim daiquiri stain
reticle-strain, bloodshot-battlefield. blades
where to embark? devilish ear to ear grin
started the year with resolutions hand in heart
fear to be seen alone, energy barely consumed
jumpstart my heart battery; only bleeding for you
tomfoolery.
doomed to usual standard
how to meander directions when my satellite is depressed
crop-circle on fire. what a fiery mess
tried to find himself but he was lost in what i left in you
that 1800 hotline already memorized my

number

will somebody listen
a snowflake with their pillows drenched
day dream outrunning this avalanche
giving everyone the attention i seek

& when it’s returned to me, he barely speak
i don’t want it.
i just
just want these hands to stop
drowning me
they hurt.
every night before sleep, i tell them to leave
they peek over my canopy bed until three

in the morning

prairie wheatgrass – nostalgia

i was obsessed. no- a feeling remorse and nostalgia
stretches of gold over algae. prairie turf interwoven to coast
bezeled beach. denizen dosage. felt closer to home
juniper fire, i never understood why i’d cry when alone
something about …

fingertip tingle. hands nestled over a looming horizon
open field just for me, dusks pyre was just another surprise
take you to tango to feel the revolver in your dress
like a fire in duress, in denial of what’s left
crested wheatgrass. nibble on the straw and just think
how irrevocably stunning, in french, how do you say pour me a drink?

verse-moi un verre.
sunsets fill in oblivion, storm in a teacup
now pour me a lion. i want to hear a roar when the steam runs
now stare into silence. tick-tock. just give me a second
moment of quiet. russian roulette, soldiers are dying
we all saw it coming, how do they say it was an issue of days?
of course; a matter of time, discontinue answers left unobtained
delicate heartship, melancholy quenches the hollow
vanguard in the shadow, he only says hello in the shade
yearning acceptance -chicken soup in the thermos
chai seed tai chi. only read a book when it rains
what is your purpose – he who barely looks in the eye
hello, miss I’m sorry to interrupt you but i’m-
pupil dilation, iris diameter entropy wavelet
psychosomatic belly dive into the stasis
denim delight, dandelion prairie design
chewing on straw, crinkling grime grimacing smile
i return to this place and try to mimic a scene
no return on ideas, we’re stuck living a dream

my mother used to say

hi. I’m okay. my name is .. (private exchange)
oceanic delight. mariana trench – lets lie on the waves
get lied to with promises as you wave your goodbyes
the we’ll soon see each others. the i cant wait to arrives
gesticulating giant, wide-eyed naivety shine
Juan Valdez roast – a vagabonds variant vibe
cash valet parking  -pristine ’85 BMW e28.
cabernet offswitch. tannins drip from my IV cause i don’t bleed dna
deviate from the norm. heliocentric. her face is a star
she makes the sun turn violet, and gives rainbows their scars
technicolor stitches, wounds wash radiant art
do re mi, one way street of living, who’s to say that we are
in edens garden, dancing naked to purple rain
my dorsal fin can’t navigate the deepest waters
irregardless, blood print barely cracks the surface stain
the takeaway is mundane themes

it’s okay to want a place to scream
the days are hard fought battles, wars go on for weeks, and
hurricanes are taking shape in the subway steam
every sunday, he tithes revived percentages of hope
so a little bit inside me dies from the carcinogenic dose
AM country station blazing through the cigarette tray
grandpas epitaphs engraved in in-direct faith
12 volt Citroën culture, french press grit in my veins
vaudevillian silhouette, it’s like you barely saw her
stained-glass windowpane,
leather love-seat, Frankenmuth Bavarian auberge
accompanied by airport sound wave dispersement
dial pound eight, to reach the operator rotary nuisance
call me a mutant, because we hate feeling lonely as humans
let’s huddle around the baggage carousel until we depart
what bothers me is the converging of a million souls living apart
common courtesy talks, airplanes are altitude civilian parks
we’ve been displaced by a culture aimed to minimize faith
and dilute consumer bases, zombified mimicking ape
my father used to say – take walks when it’s pouring down rain
why? so you can revisit the bridges burned in your wake
never had a father, it was just something I said to myself
did I divulge too much? my mother always said keep to yourself
cause’ the hearts on your sleeve are a poker players favorite tell
manifest themselves as sheep who hastily offer you wool
did the vague release of my cry remind you of wolf?
hell in a handbasket, riding hood tells us we fear who we are
too many questions, not any answers. period, pause

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