The Paradox of 4:05 A.M: A Poem of Codependency and Reclusion

I have so much to say, and nothing suffices
The honest truth is, I just want to cry
Enough violence of my energy marks being assaulted
My silence comes from expecting nothing less than the obvious
Misunderstanding, awkwardness, overall shyness.
I acquiesce solely out of exhaustion.
Closed captions underneath both of our eyelids
Touch my cheek with your hands as I squeeze them as tight-
as me clinching onto my blade ’cause paranoia has taught me to fight
Slightly understand the plight of women walking at night
I want to enjoy the things that so many like
Tired of looking into your eyes without me inside
of you
I drift off into codependency, where I’m rarely absolved.
Connected. I dissociate and stare off into space.
Finding it odd – an atheist when I’m alone in the dark
Having interrogations with God. Asking them who sent you.
My disposition to avoid pain has rendered me recluse.
My character arc is a biblical miscue
Noah memory thoughts, Euphrates flooding with  ‘I love Yous’ & ‘miss Yous’
We’re barely a speck. A floating rock in oblivion
Literally looking for something on the cusp of existence
Most of what my therapist says, I think is a trick
When I’m writing in my journal, I can feel you touching my wrist
I don’t know if I’m supposed to be thinking like this
My first poem titled: My last healthy relationship doesn’t exist.

Published by Cristian Leonardo Gajardo

Welcome to Cristian’s Cafe, a website where I showcase my various forms of expression and happiness. Here you can find poetry, podcasts, personal blogging, research articles, open mic, comedy, and art. Whether you are looking for inspiration, entertainment, or information, you will find something that suits your taste and mood. Enjoy browsing through my content and feel free to leave your comments and feedback. Please note that the Wi-Fi connection may be slow or unstable at times, so please be patient and look at the art instead. Thank you for visiting Cristian’s Cafe

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