don’t know how to be loved. what’s love in return
empty promise. time capsulette dug into earth
blind to the color of blood, its always dark when it drips
the black ink from my plume is evidence it exists
push me away
push me to grave
cedar oak coffin. 25 years been astray
tuxedo diaries. 6 foot hole doctrine, malaise 
I don’t want my heart
who wants what can’t be refunded
beauty and the beast heralded nothing
every evening at 7 I get visits from something
I can’t make out. it has a face that doesn’t resemble
I hate myself. here’s my heart on a pedestal
delicatessen. velvet crowbar. derelicts vessel 
I hate myself. delicate specimen
I hate myself, perilous. deadened 
dead end. there’s no where to go
dig at the tar road with fingernails 
dripping hemoglobin. that ship has sailed
Mars rover, seasons orbit. there’s a reason I mention space and sea
heaven and hell, good and bad, rage and peace.
I learned the other day, that water can’t exist in space, and ironic how both those fucking places is where I want to exist in.


become objects of fear
the skeleton in my closet is draped in a most obvious veneer 
I escape ominous, but here is where I feel the safest 
with a fucking revolver to cheekbone. with the feeling of hollow in deep throat 
my tears are dripping
the tears are dripping
I feel
tears are dripping
tears are dripping
where’s the medic
white nursery cotton. my blights burgundy.
I prefer to be sought rather than be caught while I’m soughting
call out of work, and cough till my lungs out of these words
attracted to affliction.
in bed with paroxysm
you left me at the altar without my kiss 
wedding song to funeral home
how the fuck am I supposed to get through this 
tears are dripping
I hate myself 
victim of circumstances
what did I do to deserve this 
o father said it wasn’t his fault 
I’m just so angry that I’m unwanted
I could go to a battlefield with guns drawn and still be uncalled to come forth, now that’s unwanted
so I call myself an alien and everyone laughs
and no ones there to pick up my spaceship when it collapsed
they just point and they laugh
or turn away cause it helps
tears are dripping
he hates himself 

Published by Cristian Leonardo

Cristian's Cafe. This is my cafe, we have Wi-Fi, but it's not very good. Poetry, Podcasts, Personal Blogging, Research Articles, Open Mic, Comedy, Art. An entire website dedicated to my many forms of expression and happiness.

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