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Cristians Café

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  • She’s smiling cheek to cheek, wide veneer Cheshire
    Feel my eyes tether through your bedside
    This that pressurized, bend-her-over sex drive
    The entry to her treasure room, legs wide
    Find you in the vestibule, whisper at your backside
    ‘Cause vigor’s just a side effect to when I imbibe
    If pleasure’s just a mental boost
    I take pleasure in these mental boosts every damn time
    Every touch explodes, fingers foot soldiers on a landmine
    Something better be boiling on the inside
    Finger trace narcotic curves. I’m in a daze
    Can’t I concentrate on what God unfurled?
    My pussy. You love it when I commentate on what I deserve
    But you hate when I try to say that I’m unheard Undulating hyper-wave has gone berserk
    Now I’m insane ’cause you don’t fuck the same from what I observed.
    I’m hardheaded. My heart is soft-centered.
    Call center worker spun into withdrawal shivers
    Jewel spheres spawn light into these dark whispers
    Calm flickers, palm slipping, annihilation
    We’d drop zippers. Soft whimpers, dilating raw rhythm
    You and I, condone this
    Kaleidoscopic, eye scoping, slight hypnosis.
    Caution warning message is sent
    60mg oxytocin shower the flesh of your lips
    Hypnotic dosage
    Her butterfly journal.
    No reason to flutter
    Like a field I discovered, where I trace over patterns left by previous lovers
    Mind boggled, too.
    Reading diaries on how they failed to conquer you
    Chapters left blank, with nothing but a pencil and time
    Hand drawing rainbows with watercolor pigmenting dye
    The arc of your back, with melted oil enzymes
    Frozen moment in time, where we coil inside
    Tongue ready to taste sweat that delicately falls up
    Like summer tree leaves in the depths of autumn
    Or syrup filling spaces between bark on a maple
    Sitting on the hilly banks swaddled in hazel
    How are we able?
    Despite our armor
    So frigid.
    Both thinking twice as hard
    Fragile, frosted, crystallizing water
    Budding with pheromones to visualize our partner
    Bubbling over seas of red and rosy, slow touches, moans buzzing, and get-to-know-mes
    Blanket passion.
    The kiss-me-slowlys
    Turn sound off. Let me go, please
    Enshrouded with fervor
    Can we hear you in a forest of trees when you shout and you murmur?

    Michelangelo-esque signatures on your crafted marble cheekbones
    Carnal loopholes, my caramel tease show
    Full-figured, bloodshot, pouty lips
    Dark hair, gun-shy rowdiness
    Mirroring oblivion, tongue-tied drowsiness
    Unruly temptation.
    Come into my arms
    Soul treks along spacetime and elation
    Unknowingly engulfing night stars
    Black holes and coffee-stained eyeballs (mine)
    Rose petals and footprints to the daybed
    Colors in every conceivable wavelength
    Every nerve burdened, creates a spark
    Swallowed by the permeating darkness
    Of uncertainty and foregone attraction
    Swerving clean into this moment collapsing
    Where the present flowing meets passion
    Seagoer calls for all hands back up on deck
    Captain’s calloused hands meet the back of her neck

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    Syrup and Frost Part II: A Kaleidoscopic Journey

    –––––––

    Oct 27
  • What do you feel when you apply the sentience?
    Besides wall pinning and drizzling fire sessions
    Momentary silence, pin drop in an empty room
    Padded wall, effervescent and sensual
    Feeling your feminine voice
    Telegraph vibrations through many a noise
    Millennia’s not enough time to fix things we destroyed
    I feel violated.
    Pass me the void
    Barely observant. Just an impressionable boy
    Unpacking post-traumatic memory noise
    Your electrical currents blend into words
    Ready to work, to have me possessed, like your servant
    Invested, alluring.
    The rest is concerning
    Subway network connecting my brain
    Muscle memory. Where her head would lay
    Tapping longing lust in this mental frame
    Karma sucks and it seems that way
    ‘Cause I feel she turns the other cheek when I plead my case
    You chiseled your name on my torso

    I call them the Ouija board hormones
    You summon them like you’re playing a game

    Heart strings tug at your love’s centerpiece
    Commanding nerve endings to all rise like a judge entering
    The ultimate meaning, what so many fear
    Meeting the puppeteer to this compulsory feeling
    Surgeon who writes cursive in different languages, slurring In the OR tugging fleshy strings with insatiable thirsting
    Like water to rivers, drought cleansing downpour

    Crowned thorn.
    Your love was the last remaining oasis outsourced

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    Syrup and Frost Part I: A Poem of Desire and Despair

    –––––––

    Oct 21
  • If… I get to the point where no one’s love embroiders me,
    I’d mix the oils, clay, and color coordinate the sordid seams
    Avoid distaste. Anointed is the day she’s holding me
    Hoist your rose-colored lies on a crown of thorny leaves
    Hearing voices, and all Of them enjoy to scream
    Tend to open wounds, forget the ointment and gauze
    Nirvana’s intensely consoling.
    And I’m pointing to God
    For answers. For pensive motions, for something to want
    Memorized Medusa’s feet, and my neck is at odds
    Alleged moments, you put me through in the dark
    Memory wash, collective dullness, deafness and sob
    Took years to look at you in the eye, and your tear ducts
    The only thing set in stone was the mountain between us
    Consider the fact, we’re considering redacting
    What’s upsetting to me, isn’t your lack of attention
    You could whisper sweet nothings, molasses infested
    But that wouldn’t matter. Instead it’s your ignorance
    Your pallid irreverence against my calloused dejection
    Your beg-to-differs, go-figures, your knack for these idioms
    Perhaps, it’s your undercut mouthing of idiot
    The teeth grind to the bone you experience
    Perhaps, it’s that motherfucking tone it’s delivered in
    Your no-holds-barred in, your zone defense, the hole in my heart
    Crayola waxy pastels, bargain wine, oily art
    Watery eyes and no control is as close to oblivion
    As broken hearts, ashtray and continued bewilderment
    Embark through the shadow, the only thing keeping me going
    Apart from fleeting emotion, is gravity from this black hole
    Swear to God I got a disease in my bones
    Called Squeezing inanimate objects and pretending it’s your palm
    They say deceit can be told from your eyes
    But my God, the green in them brings me closer to God
    I just want to be normal. I want to be calm
    What bothers me is you couldn’t be honest
    Wallowing like Diogenes as a prophet
    Covering half-truths, misinformative topics
    Performative love. Banker turned art major
    Sharp razor, Broadway liberal con finagle
    How are you able?
    To resort to untrue resourcefulness
    Now all of a sudden you’re super conservative?
    Save it.

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    Super Conservative: A Poem of Hypocrisy and Heartbreak

    –––––––

    Oct 17
  • They’re psychoanalyzing my pride.
    I’m ignoring the obvious: a war vet with ear plugs on the fourth of July.
    You’re that pyrotechnic glow on my mind.
    This memoir is a token of antisocial expression.
    Our vermilion bond was anecdotal at best, demoralizing.
    You’ll only ever see it as a victimless crime.
    siphoning bits and pieces of our symphony’s chime
    Sitting in my oval office with petitions to sign
    writhing in inconsistency not filling in shoes fit to size.
    Concealing true identities, revealing my shrine
    The answer is rhetorical, when I ask who am I?
    Enough of the superstition.
    My existential crisis is to feel like I kiss your iris every time I blink your eyelids.

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    The Existential Crisis of Kissing Your Iris: A Poem of Obsession and Delusion

    –––––––

    Aug 3
  • Look

    …over a quarter of my sentences begin with ellipses.
    the objective’s to sigh. the intent it carries? illicit
    malicious design leaves my lips but ends so benign.
    there isn’t a problem when it rains- you couldn’t tell that I cried.
    it becomes complicated to explain- when it wells in my eye.
    he pretends that he’s not, even though he bottles up the pain.
    locks it in a cage, then polishes his crooked crown.
    used to looking down, when things aren’t looking up.
    one day Life’ll flash before my eyes.
    not sure if that flash is good enough.
    been given a gift to scribe every moment as happened.
    with more details. more girth, more exposure, and factors
    mere fractions of seconds, become volume series.
    weeks of dejection becomes your life’s communal theory.
    consummate. times snapped. here’s a problem that i had.
    what are words from wise men, when philosophers die sad?
    to my own respite, id serve up a bourbon with sprite.
    words became blurry and slurred overnight.
    friends displayed worry. what’s that term to describe?
    oh right, now.
    circle of life. how funny. it hurts when I bite down.
    I’d go in my journal and write thousands of wordy delights.
    to make sense of what happened, to an essay tore up outta spite.
    inherited words. characters without a character’s worth
    how embarrassing to have to establish, what to others- barely needs words.
    parameters towards my dignity gave an insatiable thirst.
    lessons invaluably learned through every varying turn.
    maneuver like van Gogh’s Jupiter through mercurial etching
    to live frozen as a painter- in the world’s most peculiar settings
    to see beauty in carnage, objectify tragedy as a series of concepts.
    rather than unfurling tempers flaring from a deity’s context.
    I hope my eulogy is written in blood. life romanticizes the beast.
    computerize all of my content. analyzing complete
    molecules in your garden, fantasize Mon Cheri.
    sift through the nucleus’ car-wreck. make a wish.
    I’m asleep.

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    Alma’s Lament: A Poem of Sorrow and Beauty

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    May 11
  • inept, and upset, it’s like nothing is mentioned.
    lifes a run on sentence, interconnecting.
    eclectic, electric, im a plug in the wall.
    a bit so perplexive. spot the occult in the psalms.
    the rejection. a song in the hall of this crazy asylum
    straitjacket is off, but I still feel like i’m
    binded
    abstaining. no hiding. not restrained or assigning
    what’s a goon to a goblin–12 noon to this bondage?
    loudspeakers.
    shouts weaken as I interrupt the connection.
    been seasons since I slept at the suns’ dusky consent
    grayscale cuts. as lovely as ever
    It’s only fear if we love to project it
    i’ve learned to accept it, in a functional sense
    inflections infecting, it’s so fucking intense
    influx of attention. but none to respect
    found you by searchingyour pendant glow in the dark on your neck
    defunct. so abrupt, you can barely hear it
    footsteps like eruptions, each thud becomes searing
    unbarring. unnerving, like mummies in pyramids
    test love like currents, to conduct an experiment
    shave off bucks antlers, concoct my lovers potion in dye
    appearing like, serum – you took most of in stride
    the locust–conniving, it’s always close to
    my spine
    blowing smog in my airways like covid arrived
    halo spinning on her devil horns, soaking in pride.
    denoting my time- unhook your brassiere

    absolutely no focus adhered
    from shifting gears in a war, now the coast has been cleared
    she rode clean on her own horse, barefooted and gorgeous
    you read me through your code words:

    no feeling remorse
    like a fleeting emotion, cleave through divorcing
    she march to the beat of her own drums. cheeks are like porcelain
    its by gods grace- strawberry-stained bleeding disorder.

    the heart beating endorphins
    let’s ease up and leave one weekend in greece, white villa is all that we need
    cherry stem in her teeth. counting twenty sheeplings to sleep
    night time plagued by beehives and wasps, in a treetop that’s neither streamlined nor warped
    pero no te preocupas mi amor-
    in the morning they’ll be more breezy seaside to waft
    sea salt aroma, as sweet as its strong
    no siege of despondence, no seething dissolving
    just me, and you as a darling, me being charming,

    meeting you with resolve
    so gather the sky clouds, chain the puzzle piece to my heart
    my chéri amor, don’t wait till this dies down
    permanent spring, summer breeze, no winter allowed
    went from counting to three to running out of fingers to count

    i’m sorry

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    Strawberry Stains and Devil Horns: A Poem of Paradoxical Love

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    May 4
  • it’s
    my inner voice. bragging and shy. so very coy
    abruptly impassioned in its perilous joy
    panicking. sulking.
    abdicate holiness.
    i salivate at the thought of having you hold me
    heartbeat in my abdomen slowing
    rapid eye movement. palindrome dreaming
    what is the meaning?
    we battle of the Alamo’ed the last of mohicans
    i lament having spoken, “i love you and mean it”
    there wasn’t any valid attempt to salvage our dreaming
    no valiant feature. no heroine vouching for
    just palindrome sequence. folklore and pretense
    commodore drowning with his diamond princess and dreadnought boat
    Goliath’s visage over david’s corpse and slingshot stones
    a picture worth a thousand words, abstract distortion
    how happy id be, if i didn’t have to be coping
    passive aggressive when I’m manipulating my prose
    this vacuum of time. pen inking words to expose
    an odd inquisition to want composition to rot and erode
    despondent, disposed. shook like bouts of epilepsy
    loathe that i have to remind you to remember me
    never felt as close to you, until you were leaving
    no country for my old man left me in a state of bereavement
    tired of this. esophagus, loaded with words
    that’ll never break light or get its attention deserved
    the most painful thing i did was losing myself
    my memoir of dark thoughts steadily creep off the shelf
    over saturated with half-love, masked-up infatuation
    I’m so exposed
    ..at night time my heart wakes me up
    it asks me what happened with so and so
    i don’t know. please, heart

    don’t ask me again.

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    Palindrome Love: A Poem of Reversal and Regret

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    Apr 8
  • My shoulder blades’ girth played the role of a harbinger
    As bony as I got; the more I saw myself as a skeleton
    Malnourished, malevolent, maladjusted malaise
    Mocking in malformed metaphors to try to explain
    There’s a concession of an all-dead jury saying my name
    A prosecutor in a straitjacket who thinks I’m insane
    Hazy weekends- labored breathing, eyes barely widened
    Glassy-eyed, with no boundaries heightened.
    Fantasize the database, sharing data with the
    Armed and dangerous, highly contagious alien race.
    Every door saying push but being tailored to pull
    Judges with mallets in the same shape of my skull
    I throw stones in a glass house daily
    Pantomime as a cat and mouse flailing
    A bone to pick because these past lives failed me.
    Bloodsucker, with a lost childhood and adult haven
    A gun runner, that touches base with the unrelated
    Inundated safe spaces of every other generation
    Heartbreakers are misplaced trust stations.
    Mass murdering and love laden
    Sputtered out a quarter, and meant less of your words lately
    You fucking half-murmured anything worth saying
    Innate phrasing and a caprice crisis
    Blinking twice, as a signal to police snipers
    I’ve gotten anxious, because I’ve told you I’m not anxious
    For that I got chasers and glasses for my motherfucking shot-takers
    Calm-nerved and for-God-saken
    Modded sign language, for up-and-comers with violations
    Every moment spent sober – a cry out for help
    Tullamore on the shelf
    Books in the wine cellar
    Spending most of his life wishing I’d try better
    Heart of a lion, mouth of a sinner
    There’s something so dystopian about 19.84 oz. of liquor
    May my last words be half-slurred and cathartic
    Judy’s favorite blue jeans stained with tear drops and saliva
    My intervention will be besmirched within silence

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    Orwellian Glass House: A Short-Story about Despair, Redemption, and Hope.

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    Nov 13
  • He’s Unsorted. Unabashed. Formal with his emotions. Unashamed. Vulnerable worn as a sash on thunderous days. Sport a badge of honor stained with the blood of Cain. What’s her name? Love lost. Lust loves to come in gangs. My father never asked if I’m okay. He told me he forgave me for what we brought, but he’ll never say. (Sorry). When I’m in pain, my language crosses barriers all the same. Rain forest. Brain blots. Lost in my badge of honor. Should I say, I’m sorry? I’m not to blame.

    Fuck that motherfucker

    Fuck that motherfucker

    Fuck it. Flames.

    Distraught and caught in daze. There are days I question, am I supposed to be gone? Hoping to holy father that I’m totally wrong. Rotary dial. Noticeable drama. Rusty robot. Corrosion in armor. Lunch with locusts. Emotional trauma. Bandages with no adhesive falling off of my stitches. I’m more than enraged, I’m sort of conflicted. Sort of insane. Hold me no longer. Aborting the mission. There are holy ghosts that I pray to. Prayers vanish. Displaced. I read Nietzsche and questioned myself. I read what she wrote me—- answer to questions dispelled. There’s a wolf inside you, with a sheep in its teeth. What’s yours will find you, and crush you to pieces. Find your heart indiscreetly, whispering that I love you. Distilled inner feelings. Take a shot of me and consume. Sometimes I want to be lowered inside a grave. Mausoleum adventures. Nausea and deflection. Hardly seen. I surrender, any parts of me I dismember. I believe God isn’t God if he’s hiding his face. Don’t deny me my faith. Close thy eyes then, sleep till forever. Crying in shapes. Not circles and ovals, more jagged edges and blades that scrape down my cheek bones when they fall into place. Tears become blood. Blood becomes rage. It’s what we sign our names in when we scream out our names when I’m inside of you, inside of your brain. Eye stare psychosomatic, why are we strange? Lie there so damaged, why do you push me away when I just want to stay? Why do I stay when there’s blood on my face? A lion pawing away flies that nick at the scrapes, blood on my hands, nothing to say, asking if someone else wants to dance in my place, Bach’s Chaconne, slow waltz into grace, I’ve had it to here, I’ve had it to space, satellite metal floating till it touches something to change, engaging in societal rituals just to escape, Jupiter ring hula hoop interlaced, interlaced, “Pale Fire” on the coffee table as Blade Runner plays, hiking alone up Olympus with a cane in my fist, never without format, never existed, a whisper that’ll forever persist

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    December 5th – Corrosion in Armor: How I Survived the Wolf Inside Me

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    Aug 7
  • He’s sitting in his shadow, 
match lit,
    iron sight shifting with his arrow.
    Da Vinci with a trebuchet, 
resentment at a younger age.
    Don’t think I’ve ever fucking been the same.
    Stay still please, so I don’t have to ever aim.
    Heartbeat on my cabernet, gospel on the interlude.
    Never into hurting you, but that’s probably hurting you.
    Want to hear you love me, but that’s my crawling incertitude.
    I’m sorry, you’ve heard it… too… many times.
    Loose lips sink ships on the New Delhi line.
    Blueberry, thyme, Seattle fog on the Bloomsbury dime.
    Anxiety finds a new adversary for you every time.
    Kavinsky playing Nightcall, 
nightfall addict. Gun-slinging, moonlight absorber.
    Eyeball static, upbringing made me too primed for torture.
    Leukocyte warlord with a do-or-die sword code.
    DNA punching out Morse, ’cause the nuclei’s disordered.
    Sobering negative, gripping a metal shank alloy.
    Overly sensitive programming on this self-aware android.
    Therapists that call me the armchair nutcase.
    Trying to turn back to bugged versions of his software update.
    I stop to stare into your eyes, perfect oval-shaped opals, like Russian dolls holding more jewels in them like an enigmatic invention.
    A hundred soft, hazel static connections, like joules that gather intent, that teach me there aren’t lessons in every traumatic event.

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    The Dark Crush: A Poem of Contradiction and Obsession

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    Jul 24
  • Over evolving.
    Dopamine soberly blossoms
    Noted and jotted in, like an old scripture
    Bludgeoning forecast, people make what they want of him
    Hold whispers. Cold shivers. So obviously rigged
    Language is bothering. Thunderstorm on the brink
    On the cusp of oblivion, and never stopping to think
    Or wonder, what wanderlust awaits Waverly love
    Dozens foreshadowing. Waving red flags like the waging of war
    Barefooted resolve. Homosapien scourge
    Black pen granule dissolving.
    Technicolor gradient torch
    Collateral damage. Animal bondage
    Lion with his crown of thorns and his lioness hostage
    I knew you didn’t love me and it wasn’t a matter of knowledge
    It was a matter of topics. You never mentioned before
    Casualty tally at the head of the door
    Lamb’s blood painting a story nobody knows that goes on
    Anxiety outbreaks – three centuries long
    He’s so twisted. He’s so rigid.
    Never distraught
    He stares tacitly at the ceiling while embellishing God
    with his headstone reading “I wish you death. Rest in pieces, amor.”
    He’s concerned he’s never understood;
    Stained by indelible scars
    A felon with no parole riding shotgun patrolling in cars
    He tosses his palms up in a garden.
    A prayer to Ra
    Eric Garner’s spirit harnessed when he tries to relay all his thoughts
    only to shoulder the weight that buries him all
    Bury him. Fall.
    Now look at the sowing you reap
    He’s a cannibal wolf in a room full of sheep
    Thinking how wonderful it’d be if you’d change for me
    Self-awareness comes with a cost:
    Reality, unlighted tunnels, perilous concepts
    Self-destructive. Unhealthy bargaining chips
    biting down on stupefaction.
    Nothing exists
    It’s unrelated. I lick my tongue.
    Getting me off
    Symphonic bass.
    Sweat bead reservoir.
    Fucking me raw
    We fall asleep.
    Counting me, after my unconditional teaching
    Teeth in you. Swearing I fucking need it.
Barely breathing.
    Rib cage fluctuation, sepia pause.
    Throat curvature, palms.
    Fixed to your arched spine.
    Getting involved.
    Brain emitting July’s bohemian sprawl
    Reading her body.
Handprint stories on your thigh and neck.
    Finger tracing in half speed, panting four times a second.
    Close your eyes, heighten senses.
    Demonstrably.
    Wavering boomerang into unconsciousness.
    I call it gigawattage catharsis.
    Purge you of any worldly distress.
    Whirl on your neck.
    Middle finger dug into your nape.
    Mine for the time being. Set sail in your lake.
    Want to escape, fall into you & dissuade.
    Half-life with a half life. Don’t let me decay.
    Knowing that we’ll never look at each other the same.
    There’s a parrot on my shoulder that already knows what I’ll say.

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    Boys Don’t Cry: The Paradox of the Wolf and the Sheep

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    Jul 16
  • It’s almost time for a confessional. Let’s bathe our feet while we dance
    Sediment wash.
    Baptism in the chemical sand
    Trekking through the barriers that barely stand
    In touch with invariance.
    Writing love letters.
    Barely legible; sun setters
    Cantaloupe sky. Dusk settles.
    What’s warm love in November?
    It’s cranberry cheeks.
    Your tongue tingling. Teeth
    Surrendering ourselves to eruption. Lungs blistering. Freeze
    I’ve talked to God on occasion.
    Mentioned Mary and Seph’
    Carried a mountain on my shoulders through a valley of death
    I’ve longed for delay.
    Had a walk through Nirvana
    Hoisted a banner reading ‘I want to be craved’
    We just want to be loved.
    We just want to partake.
    On a trotting that doesn’t involve being numb
    Noticed your aura carrying breath of life to grave diggers
    Make their shovels change to pens like shape shifters
    Paint pictures. Plant seeds that proceed to outwait winter
    Gasp. Breathe. Then watch spring make way
    That was a metaphor for how fruitful you are When I think of kissing you, my Fitbit thinks I’m working out And when I talked to you
    My Fitbit said my heart rate slowed down That’s just testament to how you slow time down
    And it works out.
    Want to spend time with.
    Let’s cascade, the sky, rip.
    Over to Your face visage.
    That’s engraved under eyelids

    To my future lover.
    I’ll consume you like no other
    Keep you fluttered. Keep you covered.
    With an influx of these crimson colored kisses
    Mission: smother. Mission: touch her… Heart, create a spark that dwells deep within ventricle walls.
    Imagining ember blaze, rinsed with a dab of my tender gaze
    Create mendable art.
    Candlelit wicking flame
    Absolutely delicate. Trapping in shadow
    Everything’s past tense.
    Everything matters
    Speaking weakly under covers. Cheeks in blush
    Proceed to hush the noise. Drown the sound. Unsheathe the void
    Asleep we touch. Wake up.
    Innocent eyes. Glistening. Tithe.
    As morning UV bathes our skin with its dye Remember this line;
    we could drift forever without an anchor
    Pigment alignment.
    So fluid. Our loose lips could sink battle tankers.
    Finger paint on each other within our silence

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    Pigment Alignment: A Celebration of Our Colors

    –––––––

    Jun 28
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